According to a survey conducted by fartcloud.com,
one in four individuals who attempt to ignite there own flatulence
will, in the next year, die horribly in a boating accident of some kind.
And it really is terrible to think about,
the whole world up in flames
and you not able to be there because you’re thirty miles out to sea and barely conscious,
boom-bashed by a sloppy jive-ho,
the crook of your elbow slowly
slipping from a half-rotten life-ring
until eventually you start to feel the cashmere smoothness of seawater
washing over you, warmer… warmer… warmer…
then the inevitable strokes of sandpaper on your soaked skin
as the whaler sharks begin to circle…
Now, it’s not only that it’s such a monumental thing
to wrap your mind around,
the odds against our living forever:
there’s the children to consider.
Not to mention starvation
amongst the spider crabs.